Forgive me…
As I talk about a topic I ain’t really supposed to
Cuz my black fam comes with a long list of taboos
Call it white people problems, call it luxuries
Ignore the mental madness tangled in our fucked up history

See I…
Talked my brother down and pulled a knife from his hand
I was 4 or maybe 5 so I didn’t really understand
Why he would want to take his own life
I just knew he was worth every minute of that fight
Trying to stop my hero from speeding up his own end
But when I was about 9 he tried it again
This time he took every pill he could see
Attempted a tornado chaser, but I don’t think that’s the recipe
Yea, I walked in the door, caught him, and that’s what I said
Couldn’t image telling my parents that my brother was dead
And I failed to save him…
So I defaulted to humor hoping to delay him
Cuz no one could see the demons that plagued him
Maybe annoying little sister was the only one who could slay them???

But I was untwisting my own thoughts intertwined
Feelings of drowning in the fight to survive
Had to show strength, so I cried out in silence
Couldn’t recognize the abuser in this domestic violence
My inner child was being strangled by self-degradation
Cuz only success deserves to eat, so I was sentenced to starvation

Only success deserves to eat, so I am sentenced to starvation

Took 16 years to identify my disorder
Wasn’t hiding containers of vomit in the closer like a hoarder
Turns out there are other ways to purge
Like exercising for hours but never quieting the urge
To do more, go harder, push myself to the wall
Then do more, push farther, prove my control over the fall

Inner child being strangled by my own deprivation
Only success deserves to eat, so I am sentenced to starvation

No, these ain’t white people problems, cuz the oppression runs deep
Control the thoughts in my mind and my dreams when I sleep
See depression has torn my brother and me apart
It may be the reason I can have a condition with my heart
Led to an experience in college that gave me PTSD
But it also makes black, powerful, me